Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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