Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
