Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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