How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
