Sry I called you an 8
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
