I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They took my balls.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
