On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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