What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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