Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
