What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
