Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
