id be glad to
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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