From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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