Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
