Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
