u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
