Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
not ubering you a puppy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
