He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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