i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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