i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
