I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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