he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
