Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
vagina is talking i cant
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
