did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
