Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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