Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
