there's paper in my vomit.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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