just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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