so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sext me about skeletons
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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