I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
