Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
