no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
