I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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