This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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