Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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