i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
