I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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