2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
