Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
