so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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