i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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