just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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