I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
