is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
