Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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