If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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