New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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