Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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