he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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