Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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