the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
