Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
