Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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