may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
