the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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