I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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