I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
