you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
