I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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