I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
