He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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