the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
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I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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