i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My life is pants optional.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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