I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
