He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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