You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
